Ridiculous Predictions Kyushu 2022

[Yamanashi]

I'm a little out of practice after this year, but let's give it a shot.  Remember, ridiculous is good; merely unlikely is not as good.

1) In Juryo, Chiyonokuni pushes Akua completely off the side of the dohyo, and (as Akua hurtles his way through the crowd trying to miss little old ladies) he hits Hiro Morita, who's interviewing a lady from Houston, Texas.  Hiro gets blasted an extra two rows and ends up in a face-down crumple.  Horrified, Akua turns him over, but recognizes Morita-san and says with a huge grin ... "SUMO PRIME TIME!"

2) The new Komusubi, Tobizaru is hazed in the usual way by the San'yaku.  Daieisho tells him that as a new member he has to give gifts from his home town to the rest of the guys.  As an Edogawa native, Tobizaru sends each of them a potted bonsai and a small bag of goldfish.  After day two Hoshoryu (in on the joke) tells Tobizaru "thanks for the tiny tree, that was great; but the little fish tasted terrible!"

3) And the best one: "Word on the streets is that Shodai is going to put on an ABSOLUTE CLINIC in Fukuoka and show these sumo clowns who the REAL BOSS is."

[Gurowake]

Mitakeumi wins the Yusho but doesn't get repromoted.

[Kaninoyama]

Takayasu wins the yusho. 

[Yamanashi]

29 minutes ago, Gurowake said:

Mitakeumi wins the Yusho but doesn't get repromoted.

 

20 minutes ago, Kaninoyama said:

Takayasu wins the yusho. 

Please see explanation above (though the Mitakeumi one does sound borderline ridiculous!)

Edited November 13, 2022 by Yamanashi

[Kaninoyama]

18 minutes ago, Yamanashi said:

 

Please see explanation above (though the Mitakeumi one does sound borderline ridiculous!)

I said it fully understanding the premise of the thread. 

[Octofuji]

All sekiwake and komusubi win 8-7 to maintain rank. Shodai makes it possible by going 0-15, resulting in a 4-4-1-1 san'yaku formation.

Grand Sumo is disbanded due to widespread disgust at match-fixing. The san'yaku joins the J-league where Takakeisho enjoys success as a false number 10 'in the hole'.

[sumojoann]

14 hours ago, Yamanashi said:

1) In Juryo, Chiyonokuni pushes Akua completely off the side of the dohyo, and (as Akua hurtles his way through the crowd trying to miss little old ladies) he hits Hiro Morita, who's interviewing a lady from Houston, Texas. 

Who is the mystery lady from Houston, Texas????  Does she get smashed by Akua as well? 

[Yamanashi]

6 minutes ago, sumojoann said:

Who is the mystery lady from Houston, Texas????  Does she get smashed by Akua as well? 

No, of course not.  But she gets a VIP tour of Akua's Tatsunami stables, where Hoshoryu attests to the veracity of item 2).

[Rocks]

Kagayaki wins the yusho at 9-6 after coming out on top in an 8 man playoff.

Asanoyama is promoted to Ozeki immediately after the basho. 

[Fashiritētā]

After an 0-4 start, Shodai wins the Yusho.

[sumojoann]

Dear Mods (and Yamanashi) --- Feel free to delete this post if you think I am lacking in hinkaku.

Ichinojo goes to a bar but doesn't have even one drink.

He (yes, Ichinojo again) and the Minato Okamisan sign up for tango lessons together.

Ichinojo fires his Tsukebito and informs his Oyakata (through his lawyer) that from now on, his lawyer will also function as his Tsukebito.

Ichinijo tries to make a peace offering to his Oyakata by offering him a bottle of that traditional Mongolian drink of hospitality, fermented mare's milk.  His Oyakata spits it up & Ichinojo flies into a rage and destroys the Minato guest lodgings in Kyushu.

Ichinojo wins his second Yusho for the sole purpose of being able to flip the bird at his Oyakata.  We get to witness his biggest smile ever.

In an effort to boost ratings for his "Sumo Prime Time" show, Hiro Morita climbs onto the dohyo with his microphone just as Shodai is beginning his shiko prior to his match.  Shodai gets confused and thinks Hiro is his opponent.  At the tachiai, Hiro shoves his microphone in Shodai's face, causing Shodai to fall backwards off the dohyo.  Shodai pops his head up and in unison, he and Hiro shout 'SUMO PRIME TIME"!

The NSK is so thrilled about the incredible success of the "Sumo Fan Appreciation" event that they decide to incorporate some elements of it at the Kyushu basho.  For the first time ever, men and women who have purchased Premium Tickets are allowed to fully participate in the Basho, everything from becoming official Gyoji, Shimpan, Yobidashi, Guarder of the Salt Basket, Water Boy, Giver of the Holy Napkin and even Official Announcers.  They would have daily drawings to see which lucky winners get to dress their favorite rikishi in his mawashi!!  (Lots of money to be made there!!).  The NSK invites NHK to join the fun by inviting members of Sumo Forum to be guest expert commentators in the studio on Live TV!  Fifteen magical days!  It would be the talk of Kyushu (and Sumo Forum!) for weeks!

Okay, folks, I'm off to rehab.  See y'all later!

 

[Jakusotsu]

1 hour ago, Fashiritētā said:

After an 0-4 start, Shodai wins the Yusho.

I totally buy it, but colour me surprised when I realized that nobody ever won the Makuuchi yusho after a 0-2 start.

[Seiyashi]

1 minute ago, Jakusotsu said:

I totally buy it, but colour me surprised when I realized that nobody ever won the Makuuchi yusho after a 0-2 start.

This sounds more like something for Trivia Bits, but what's the "worst start" to still win a yūshō?

[Fashiritētā]

1 minute ago, Jakusotsu said:

I totally buy it, but colour me surprised when I realized that nobody ever won the Makuuchi yusho after a 0-2 start.

There’s always a first time for everything, it would add to the enigma that is Shodai.

[Yamanashi]

1 hour ago, sumojoann said:

Ichinojo fires his Tsukebito and informs his Oyakata (through his lawyer) that from now on, his lawyer will also function as his Tsukebito.

This is an intriguing idea!  If members of Makuuchi had someone with legal training among the tsukebito, this basho's storyline might be "With Terunofuji out and Shodai kadoban, the yusho favorites are the remaining Yokozuna Asanoyama and Ozekis Takakeisho and Abi."

[Reonito]

18 hours ago, Gurowake said:

Mitakeumi wins the Yusho but doesn't get repromoted.

9-6 would be a low yusho score, but not completely out of the question.

[Reonito]

4 hours ago, Yamanashi said:

But she gets a VIP tour of Akua's...

I was really worried when I started reading this 

[Reonito]

3 hours ago, Seiyashi said:

This sounds more like something for Trivia Bits, but what's the "worst start" to still win a yūshō?

0-1, 1-2 and 2-3 have happened, but not 0-2, 1-3, or 2-4

[Octofuji]

41 minutes ago, Reonito said:

9-6 would be a low yusho score, but not completely out of the question.

Wow. An eight-way playoff involving three of the bottom four on the banzuke? Now that's what I call ridiculous!

[Jakusotsu]

2 hours ago, Reonito said:

20 hours ago, Gurowake said:

Mitakeumi wins the Yusho but doesn't get repromoted.

9-6 would be a low yusho score, but not completely out of the question.

That's Juryo, a very different kind of beast. There has not even a been 10-5 yusho in Makuuchi, and only three 11-4 so far.

[Reonito]

1 minute ago, Jakusotsu said:

That's Juryo, a very different kind of beast. There has not even a been 10-5 yusho in Makuuchi, and only three 11-4 so far.

I'm aware. It's only happened once in Juryo, though 10-5 is not uncommon there. Part of the difference is the division size, but the normally much greater parity in Juryo is probably the bigger factor. That might not apply so much these days.

[Kyokufuji]

Akua eschews his log man pratfall, and debuts a new technique where he delicately floats to the clay like a leaf.

[Seiyashi]

Wrong tournament, but Hiro Morita visits Miyagino for that promised shiko session with Hakuhō. Two months later, Hiro registers for the shindeshi kensa in Hatsu.

(Context: 

 

[Yamanashi]

Way too old, but unmatched experience factor!

[Yamanashi]

After a great start, Shodai cools off; Mitakeumi continues his 2 for 1 W/L ratio.  So, on Day 15 the matchup is Mitakeumi 9/5 versus Shodai 7-7.  Yutakayama, of all people, convinces Shodai to pull a henka.  "Jeez, I'm not sure", Shodai thinks, but he's a sucker for free advice.  He knows he's going to have to run real fast off to the side, but ... what next?

At the tachiai Mitakeumi is totally fooled; but since he doesn't come out very low, he can see Shodai whizzing by to his right, and turns around.  Shodai is standing there trying to figure out what to do next, and Mitakeumi pushes him out from behind.

2023 Hatsu basho preview: " ... and former Ozeki Shodai will be aiming for 10 wins to regain his ... Ozeki ranking."