Ridiculous Predictions Nagoya 2021

[Yamanashi]

Although it's hard to tell sometimes, this thread is for ridiculous predictions.

[Sue]

Asanoyama yusho!

[Yamanashi]

Takayasu makes an amazing comeback after day 1 , and he sweeps the remaining bouts to win the Yusho 14-1.  On the way he hurls Wakatakakage into the fourth row, rolls Takakeisho out like a bowling ball (leaving a 7-10 Shimpan split), and belly-bumps Hakuho out, leaving Hidenoyama Oyakata weeping for joy in the hanamichi.He ends the tournament with a nifty Tsuridashi on Terunofuji.  At the post-basho interview he keeps repeating "Takayasu smash!", leading the announcers to opine that maybe the radiation treatment on his back was a bit too intense.

[Terukuni]

Hakuho, Takakeisho, and Terunofuji all go into a 3 way play off 14-1. Takakeisho wins and proceeds to break Futabayama's win streak.

Edited July 3, 2021 by Terukuni

[Gurowake]

1 hour ago, Yamanashi said:

Takayasu makes an amazing comeback after day 1 , and he sweeps the remaining bouts to win the Yusho 14-1.  On the way he hurls Wakatakakage into the fourth row, rolls Takakeisho out like a bowling ball (leaving a 7-10 Shimpan split), and belly-bumps Hakuho out, leaving Hidenoyama Oyakata weeping for joy in the hanamichi.He ends the tournament with a nifty Tsuridashi on Terunofuji.  At the post-basho interview he keeps repeating "Takayasu smash!", leading the announcers to opine that maybe the radiation treatment on his back was a bit too intense.

Well, I guess that's more ridiculous than what I was going to post, which was a 13-0-2 Yusho, as I alluded to elsewhere.  14-1 basically can't happen.  At least, they've never had a sekitori start the tournament on Day 2.  If you're out for day 1, you're out for Day 2.  Only on rare occasions, someone like Kakuryu will get hurt in between the torikumi release and the first day, and they'll redo Day 2 with one less person, but I'm pretty sure the opposite has never happened anytime recent enough to make a case that it could happen now.

I don't see the point though of making predictions that aren't at least possible.  So I will predict that a bunch of kyujos among those with good early records will cause no one to go KK and there will be a very large playoff among those with 7 wins.

Edited July 3, 2021 by Gurowake

[Asojima]

Covid devastates the Makuuchi division.  Hakuho's hard immunity protects him.  He cruises to a 14-1 yusho that includes 9 Covid fusensho.

Edited July 3, 2021 by Asojima

[Yamanashi]

49 minutes ago, Gurowake said:

Well, I guess that's more ridiculous than what I was going to post, which was a 13-0-2 Yusho, as I alluded to elsewhere.  14-1 basically can't happen.  At least, they've never had a sekitori start the tournament on Day 2.  If you're out for day 1, you're out for Day 2.  Only on rare occasions, someone like Kakuryu will get hurt in between the torikumi release and the first day, and they'll redo Day 2 with one less person, but I'm pretty sure the opposite has never happened anytime recent enough to make a case that it could happen now.

I don't see the point though of making predictions that aren't at least possible.  So I will predict that a bunch of kyujos among those with good early records will cause no one to go KK and there will be a very large playoff among those with 7 wins.

OK, Takayasu goes 13-0-2, everything else happens the same, blah blah.  Infinitessimally less ridiculous, and more possible than Asanoyama yusho.

Edited July 3, 2021 by Yamanashi

[Koorifuu]

6 hours ago, Asojima said:

Covid devastates the Makuuchi division.  Hakuho's hard immunity protects him.  He cruises to a 14-1 yusho that includes 9 Covid fusensho.

If 9 people get diagnosed / quarantined less than 48h before their bout with Hakuho, I dare say a few people will be suspicious!

[Yamanashi]

6 hours ago, Koorifuu said:

If 9 people get diagnosed / quarantined less than 48h before their bout with Hakuho, I dare say a few people will be suspicious!

So in this scenario, Hakuho's not just the GOAT, he's a Superspreader!

[Seiyashi]

58 minutes ago, Yamanashi said:

7 hours ago, Koorifuu said:

If 9 people get diagnosed / quarantined less than 48h before their bout with Hakuho, I dare say a few people will be suspicious!

So in this scenario, Hakuho's not just the GOAT, he's a Superspreader!

Nah, Ishiura's doing his dirty work. Who do you think gave the direction to ensure that a certain Akiseyama didn't become the 73rd yokozuna?

"Listen, you go out tomorrow, and you make sure he never gets anywhere above maegashira 10. You heard about his jaw injury? Yeah, good. I want you to make sure it troubles him enough, capisce?"

That also means, after this basho, Ishiura's going to do the Asanoyama. 

Edited July 3, 2021 by Seiyashi

[Yamanashi]

1 hour ago, Seiyashi said:

Nah, Ishiura's doing his dirty work. Who do you think gave the direction to ensure that a certain Akiseyama didn't become the 73rd yokozuna?

"Listen, you go out tomorrow, and you make sure he never gets anywhere above maegashira 10. You heard about his jaw injury? Yeah, good. I want you to make sure it troubles him enough, capisce?"

That also means, after this basho, Ishiura's going to do the Asanoyama. 

I'm out of reactions today [huh?], but I want to say that this is not only ridiculous, but it's more Godfather-esque than the stuff we were running over on the Sumo Poster thread.  A combined HaHa and Thanks emoji is in order.

[Seiyashi]

15 minutes ago, Yamanashi said:

I'm out of reactions today [huh?], but I want to say that this is not only ridiculous, but it's more Godfather-esque than the stuff we were running over on the Sumo Poster thread.  A combined HaHa and Thanks emoji is in order.

Hakuho needs to get his cat game in order though.

[Gospodin]

Aoiyama finds himself in the situation of having to force out an opponent at the edge. Failing to lift him him out on his mawashi, he ultimately succeeds by ripping off his head. He is indefinitely suspended for keeping the head as trophy. Probable victim: Kiribayama.

[Ichimawashi]

Enho creates a new kimarite by winning a bout after being picked up and held extended over the head like a WWE wrestler about to body slam.  Something happens as his victim prepares to toss him out that is not picked up by the cameras and suddenly Enho's aite is flat on his face, with Enho making a landing better than any Olympic gymnast.  It takes until the middle of Makuuchi bouts with the booth boys watching the replay over and over, before they finally announce the 83rd kimarite, named after an escape artist: Houdinikiri!

[Jakusotsu]

On 04/07/2021 at 07:22, Ichimawashi said:

Enho creates a new kimarite...

He just did: fusenpai after torinaoshi.

[Barutokai]

Scenario 1: Shonanzakura gets two wins by default and retires in fear after it's known he'll getting promoted to Jonidan in Aki.

Scenario 2: The Kyokai overthinks the punishment of Asanoyama: instead of a clearly 6 Basho ban they force him to train Shonanzakura until he gets a kachi-koshi.
Asanoyama retires shortly after the Banzuke for Nagoya 2023 is released: Banzuke-gai.
"I trained Shonanzakura since 2 years... it's pointless to try to return to Ozeki now. But he managed to almost get 2 wins in Natsu so I'll gambarize in coaching him to a kachi-koshi."
He will stay at Shikihide-beya as coach with the elder name Miyagino.

[Seiyashi]

On 04/07/2021 at 13:22, Ichimawashi said:

Enho creates a new kimarite by winning a bout after being picked up and held extended over the head like a WWE wrestler about to body slam.  Something happens as his victim prepares to toss him out that is not picked up by the cameras and suddenly Enho's aite is flat on his face, with Enho making a landing better than any Olympic gymnast.  It takes until the middle of Makuuchi bouts with the booth boys watching the replay over and over, before they finally announce the 83rd kimarite, named after an escape artist: Houdinikiri!

This aged very badly after today, unfortunately.

[Yamanashi]

Aoiyama meets Kaisei: tentative tachiai, then both get turned around somehow and head out for a mutual okuridashi; torinaoshi.  Something happens during the rematch, but frankly I can't remember what.

[Seiyashi]

20 minutes ago, Yamanashi said:

Aoiyama meets Kaisei: tentative tachiai, then both get turned around somehow and head out for a mutual okuridashi; torinaoshi.  Something happens during the rematch, but frankly I can't remember what.

More like the dohyo immediately collapses, and there is debate about who touched the floor first.

[Ganzohnesushi]

We will have another M17 Yusho - Ichiyamamoto!

Ganzohnesushi

[Fujisan]

All the top two division rikishi go fusen on day 4 except Meisei,he wins Juryo and makunuci yusho by default...

[Yamanashi]

With a total of 3 wins from the Sekiwake-through-M2 "joi" after two days, the NSK begins asking them to help defray their inflated salaries by cleaning up after the day's bouts.  On the first evening Takanosho finds a rare Pokemon Gold Star Charizared card worth ¥6 M; after a massive viral response on social media, the policy is revoked.

[hakutorizakura]

Day 13. An 11-1 Ura is matched against an unbeaten Terunofuji. Tachiai. Ura retreats and tries to keep Teru's hand off his mawashi at all cost, running here and there, matrix moves and all. Teru, not wanting to risk his knees with too much movement, plays the patience card. The bout proceeds, with minimal physical contact between the two, until it's time for mizu-iri. This marks the first time in sumo history of a mizu-iri with both rikishi basically standing away from each other on the dohyo.

The bout restarts. Ura suddenly charges forward with a lightning-quick leap onto a surprised Teru, and... ASHITORI!!

But Terunofuji is not going down so easily, he's grabbed the backside of Ura's mawashi, and while struggling with one leg and moving backwards toward impending defeat, manages to hurl Ura outside the dohyo!

The crowd gasps. Terus is standing on one leg, wires dangling from the other leg from the knee. So he's been wearing bionic knees under those braces. Ura, flabbergasted, climbs up the dohyo and awkwardly returns Teru's detached lower leg in return for his pink sagari. But wait! Monoii!!

After a lengthy discussion (so... which restaurant for dinner tonight?), the head shinpan announces that...... Ura wins! The reason being Teru's (detached) foot went out and down first as he dropped it while flying out the dohyo. Ashiotoshi 

Hakuho, who eventually wins the yusho through playoff against the two, is reprimanded by the YDC nevertheless for "rolling on the floor laughing" after that bout.

[Yamanashi]

Japanese sports reporters were hot on the trail of a possible yaocho ring among Makuuchi wrestlers, but found evidence of something more bizarre: a sekitori-wide gaming ring known as "Sumo Bocci".  Rikishi in the upper two divisions were receiving "points" based on where their opponent landed/stopped when thrown from the dohyo.  The game was apparently being run out of Kasuganobeya, where detailed seating charts of each venue were found on the walls of a room posing as a linen closet; the record keeping was performed by a veteran rikishi whose top rank was in Makushita.  Points were assigned based upon distance from the dohyo and factors such as obstructions (railings, etc.) and type of seating.  One of the rules was that no credit is awarded for running yourself out of the ring, an amendment made necessary by Hakuho's famous "hanamichi jog".

[sahaven111]

20 minutes ago, Yamanashi said:

The game was apparently being run out of Kasuganobeya, the record keeping was performed by a veteran rikishi whose top rank was in Makushita. 

Aozora.