Sumo Limericks (in case Haikus are not your thing)

[Ichimawashi]

Hattorizakura’s new name
Might release our boy from anti-fame
So, Hattori, goodbye...
And new Shonan, well, hi!
(The suffix ‘zakura’s the same)

[Ichimawashi]

That walking ad down on the floor there
Keeps coming back more-er and more-er
Twelve or thirteen kanji
Blue background, white ‘e’
Are they still plugging Internet Explorer?

[Ichimawashi]

Kintamayama's fun ISP
Is as tough as it ever could be
Mita beat Taka-K.
Aoiyama?  O.K.,
Now two-thirds could soon be oh-and-three!

[sahaven111]

there is a sumo named tokushory

he wins the yusho then cry

no one thought he'd do it

we all assume he's shit

when i look back i think damn was i high?

[Yamanashi]

There's a place called Miyaginobeya,

Home of Hakuho (he's quite a playa'),

But he caught him the virus,

Said the rest "that'll tire us!"

So they're back at the heya to staya.

[Ichimawashi]

All National Football League plays
Shall from now on get kimarites
"He's out of bounds at the ten,
Okuridashi by Glenn,
First-and-goal now" the commenter says

[Ichimawashi]

J'accuse!  Kyokai, WTF?
This is worse than that banzuke luck
Give the yusho away
Just 'cause Ikioi can't play
Change the matches, Day 15 won't suck

[Yamanashi]

41 minutes ago, Ichimawashi said:

J'accuse!  Kyokai, WTF?
This is worse than that banzuke luck
Give the yusho away
Just 'cause Ikioi can't play
Change the matches, Day 15 won't suck

Ingenious.  No profanity in the line, but the reader must use a swear word to make it rhyme.  I see what you're doing ... and I like it!

[Churaumi]

Tokitsukaze has himself to blame

For leaving his stable to play a game

But with remotes for karaoke

And that one creeper gyoji

The old scandals sure were less tame

Edited January 29, 2021 by Churaumi

[Kintamayama]

There once was a guy from Hong Kong

It seems all he did turned out wrong

He put on the red light

And did it in plain sight

But swore he did not play Mah- Jong

 

 

[Yamanashi]

There once was a man from Ramat Gan,

Whose comments were generally spot-on,

His videos, sublime,

Arrive usually on time,

But his name is a swear word in Nihon.

[Ichimawashi]

There’s a problem that badly needs solving
It’s disturbing to see it evolving
There is no penalty
For a clear matta spree
Can we fix?  What would that be involving?

The first step, fault-shaming, might work
One day kyujo for three faults, you jerk
But they need to be true
Fist fakes cause matta too
Also Ryuden’s new tachiai twirk

Let’s remember the injury danger
“Rise and Fight?”  There’s no “remedy” stranger!
A matta advantage?
Equalize!  Let’s help manage
The too-strict torikumi arranger

A faultless rikishi who’s hurt
Can fight later on when alert
Low on the banzuke
Can delay a full day
Go now and he’s knocked on the dirt

So what if it changes tradition?
We must minimize all the attrition
There’s already plenty o’
Covid 19 absentia
Let’s be fair and not risk guys cognition!

 

Edited March 4, 2021 by Ichimawashi

[Ichimawashi]

This basho is gonna be tiring
Day 1 ends, DST we’re acquiring
Starting futsuka-me
2 am every day
Well past time that I should be retiring

I’ll find some proper way to get through it
Daily afternoon naps should just do it
I do hope I won’t sound
Improper, but I’ve found
That on some nights you have to review it

 

[Ichimawashi]

The Shikihide kg-scale is flawed
70: Shonanzakura’s thin bod
But ten lighter then him
The king of the slim
10-year vet Urutora, my God!

[Ichimawashi]

On TV we see spectators southside
Only rarely on eastside or westside
But when East-West are shown
It quite quickly is known
For the ugly, South seats are disqualified

[Kintamayama]

There once were these two yokozuner

Who retired much later than sooner

YDC convened

They shouted and screamed

Or maybe it was just a rumour..

 

[Yamanashi]

There once was a bloke named Kakuryu,

Said the doctors, "let's try now to cure you."

Said Kak, "It's my back,

No, I stepped on a tack"

(He will intai real soon, I assure you.)

[Ichimawashi]

Silence!  Rikishi are brawling!
At the same time, great weights they are hauling
They can't open the door
Till the start of Day Four
Silent sumo is kind of appalling.

[Ichimawashi]

Can Terunofuji get rope?
A zensho's his only real hope
But a May finish that's high
And a win in July
Will prevent YDC from a 'nope...'

[Ichimawashi]

The elbow of Enho spoke out
After Ura near-broke it mid-bout
It said 'eat some more rice,
don't be picky or nice,
gain some weight or survival's in doubt!' 

[Yamanashi]

Is Waka- the next Chiyonofuji,

Or is -taka- a little too kludge-y?

Will he be ‘zuna -kage,

Or fried karaage?

The whole thing’s a little Three-Stoogey

[Yamanashi]

Our current crop of Ozeki’s,

Have attitudes like “What the heck”-ies,

Teru’ might get the rope,

‘cause he’s wrestling more dope,

But the rest must be drinking Dos Equis.

[I've set the baseline; all my future limericks have to be better than this]

[Ichimawashi]

A Sumo broadcaster named Murray
Liked his chanko infused with hot curry
The effect of the spice
On his comments was nice
Witty lines came from him in a flurry!

[Yamanashi]

11 hours ago, Ichimawashi said:

 ... hot curry

...

,,,

Witty lines came from him in a flurry!

And later, other things.

[Ichimawashi]

Morita Hiroshi announcing
Animated when action is bouncing
When the excitement peaks
He quite often misspeaks
Mangled idioms he's mispronouncing