Daily Joke 13

[Kintamayama]

One liners from old-timer Rodney Dangerfield. Some think he is vulgar- I think he is funny..

1. I was so poor growing up... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have nothing to play with.

2. A girl phoned me the other day & said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.

3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

4. One day I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early".

5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning... put a shirt on & a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, & the handle came off. i'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

6. I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster & radio.

8. I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

9. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room & said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

11. I'm so ugly... my mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was born.

12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped & they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

15. I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, & people kept asking how big I'd get.

16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up & I look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?" He said... "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks & get some rest.

18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favourite bone is my arm. Last night he went on the paper 4 times- 3 of those times I was reading it.

20. One year they wanted to make a poster of me - for birth control.

21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

[Fujisan]

Heres one of mine I wrote last night-

I was so ugly when I was born the doctor threw me away and gave the afterbirth to my mother to hold.

[Kintamayama]

What's an "afterbirth"?

[Kotoseiya Yuichi]

I believe it's another word for placenta, the temporary organ separating mother's and child's blood circulations from each other. Dr. Kaikitsune tells more... :-)

[Kaikitsune Makoto]

Placenta is partly fetal origin and partly maternal origin. Tissue which serves as a vital intermediary between the featus and the mother. It is also the origin of amniotic membranes which comprise the water-filled bag where featus happily exists as water gives nice impact protection. Featus also trains swallowing by swallowing the amniotic fluid for fun. Umbilical cord (the one that fathers often cut with scissors while the medical staff is silently amused by the shakyness of many father's hands at that point) is attached to placenta too naturally.

Placenta has a detailed organisation between fetal and maternal blood stream like Kotoseiya knew.

And yes..placenta is not very beautiful item in real life :-)

It is called afterbirth as it usually comes out last after the baby has entered the outer world.

[Fujisan]

My Mother just calls it son.

[Takanobaka]

My Mother just calls it son.

:-)

I think we need an emoticon for sick to stomach...

[Fujisan]

Actually I dont think you mean "Sick to the stomache" Takano because that means youv'e had enough of something-

Where as I assume you mean you feel nautious.

[Asashosakari]

Actually I dont think you mean "Sick to the stomache" Takano because that means youv'e had enough of something-

Where as I assume you mean you feel nautious.

I suppose he did mean "sick to [my] stomach", as defined on this fine page...

[Kintamayama]

Where as I assume you mean you feel nautious.

And I assume you meant nauseous..

[Takanobaka]

Actually I dont think you mean "Sick to the stomache" Takano because that means youv'e had enough of something-

Where as I assume you mean you feel nautious.

I suppose he did mean "sick to [my] stomach", as defined on this fine page...

I assume you would be right, especially since I am a native English speaker....

I was looking for an emotican that was green and looked like he was about to hurl....closest thing there was 'foot in mouth', but that didn't seem appropriate. The reason I said "sick to stomach" rather than 'sick to my stomach' is that that is what the icon would probably be named.

And, yeah, that was frickin' disgusting....but pretty darn funny too....

And, no, sick to the stomach doesn't generally mean you've had enough of something, it generally means you feel like you're gonna puke, at least in America....Might be kinda like the difference between 'pants' in the US (slacks/trousers) and 'pants' in the UK (undergarment/utter shyte).

Edited October 26, 2003 by Takanobaka

[Takanobaka]

Actually I dont think you mean "Sick to the stomache" Takano because that means youv'e had enough of something-

Where as I assume you mean you feel nautious.

I suppose he did mean "sick to [my] stomach", as defined on this fine page...

However, I do find it quite hilarious that on that page it uses 'shut my mouth' as a synonym for 'slap my afro'. I think I'd laugh someone out of the building if they told me to slap their afro....not exactly something you hear everyday/month/year/decade....maybe it was an idiom in the '70's or something....

[Kotoseiya Yuichi]

I guess this one's the closest:

:-)

There are few IPB style vomiting emoticons...

[Fujisan]

Well ok maybe its just local slang but we often say,"Im sick to the stomache or sick to death of you" when we dont like someone or we are bored with their antics.

I wasnt suggesting you didnt understand English very well anyway.