Ridiculous Predictions Natsu 2024

[Yamanashi 3,793]

All but one member of Sanyaku loses on day 1.

Sorry, not ridiculous enough.

(H/T @Akinomaki)

Edited May 12, 2024 by Yamanashi

[Akinomaki 40,222]

Takayasu loses on day 2 to Onosato, who stays undefeated till he loses to Tobizaru on day 9. Nobody notices that Takayasu doesn't lose another till then, as soon as he is one in the lead again he loses another - and wins the rest, Onosato keeps winning till he loses on day 15 and Takayasu wins the ketteisen.

Edited May 12, 2024 by Akinomaki

[Yamanashi 3,793]

Newcomers Oshouma and Tokihayate, asked what their goals were for this basho: "Hurry up and make it to the joi so we can feast on those creampuff Ozeki."

[Yamanashi 3,793]

A trillionaire international industrialist, Minoru Satoyama, hires the top Yakuza cartels to ensure that Takayasu will win the Natsu 2024 basho.  He will give them 150 trillion yen if they are successful, but they have to put up the cost of the project.  They go all in, bribing and scaring everyone associated with Ozumo.  On day 15, his opponent "trips", but falls against Takayasu, knocking him off the dohyo.  The Yakuza organizations go bankrupt.

It is revealed that "Minoru Satoyama" is really Takahashi of the Tokyo Police special unit SUNS (Super Ultra Nerd Squad), whose members all have IQ's over 170.  He points out that 1) the NSK was in on the sting, and 2) anyone who thinks that Takayasu could win a yusho under any circumstances is definitely not a Super Ultra Nerd.

[Yarimotsu 552]

The yokozuna and ozeki all go undefeated from here into the final matchups and one of them comfortably takes the yusho.

[Yamanashi 3,793]

4 hours ago, Yarimotsu said:

The yokozuna and ozeki all go undefeated from here into the final matchups and one of them comfortably takes the yusho.

Congrats!  There was about a two-hour window between a ridiculous prediction and an impossible prediction.

[Bunbukuchagama 706]

1 hour ago, Yamanashi said:

Congrats!  There was about a two-hour window between a ridiculous prediction and an impossible prediction.

[rhyen 1,827]

19 hours ago, Akinomaki said:

Takayasu loses on day 2 to Onosato, who stays undefeated till he loses to Tobizaru on day 9. Nobody notices that Takayasu doesn't lose another till then, as soon as he is one in the lead again he loses another - and wins the rest, Onosato keeps winning till he loses on day 15 and Takayasu wins the ketteisen.

Takayasu flipped the script. 

[Barutokai 64]

The reason why Asanowaka is the bow twirler: Asashoryu himself enters on day 5, wins the yusho and says in his victory speech: Really. Everyone is weak! / 本当に皆弱い！

[Koorifuu 924]

Early for Nagoya: Myogiryu is on the banzuke in two months.

[Octofuji 351]

Takarafuji yusho. He gives the credit to ex-Ishiura who has been subjecting him to relentless Benny Hill style Keiko.

[Bunbukuchagama 706]

2 hours ago, Octofuji said:

Takarafuji yusho. He gives the credit to ex-Ishiura who has been subjecting him to relentless Benny Hill style Keiko.

A hobbit and a cave troll.

[Yamanashi 3,793]

7 hours ago, Octofuji said:

Takarafuji yusho. He gives the credit to ex-Ishiura who has been subjecting him to relentless Benny Hill style Keiko.

Forget about the rikishi.  Imagine a real-time video of just the gyoji.

[hakutorizakura 609]

Takarafuji and Endo zensho. And both repromoted to sanyaku next basho. And Hakuho Kakuryu Kisenosato back to yokozuna while they're at it.

[dingo 1,224]

1 hour ago, hakutorizakura said:

Takarafuji and Endo zensho. And both repromoted to sanyaku next basho. And Hakuho Kakuryu Kisenosato back to yokozuna while they're at it.

The kinboshi money will bankrupt the NSK. 

[rhyen 1,827]

9 hours ago, dingo said:

The kinboshi money will bankrupt the NSK. 

Nah, just Harumafuji alone with suffice.