Ridiculous Predictions Aki 2023

[sumojoann 1,263]

The following is from a book I am writing about a dream I had ----- a ridiculous dream.  A ridiculous prediction of what might very well happen during the Aki basho.  It's long as you can see.  Scroll on by if not interested.

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During the basho, Kirishima and Hoshoryu go out to dinner to celebrate their promotions to Ozeki.  They begin to joke about how to prank the NSK.  They each come up with outrageous ideas, trying to top each other.  After much laughter, they say to each other, "What can the NSK do?  We are Ozekis!  They need us!" 

The next day, when Hoshoryu steps up on the dohyo, instead of wearing his customary mawashi, he is instead wearing a "shuudag", the traditional blue and red briefs worn by Mongolian wrestlers while engaging in Bokh (traditional Mongolian wrestling).  The spectators begin to murmur but clap for him anyway because he is so popular.  His opponent, Asanoyama, complains to the gyoji that there's nothing to grab onto which is not fair.  An unprecedented mono-ii is called, the first mono-ii in known sumo history to be called prior to a bout.  The shimpan whisper and decide, "He's an Ozeki.  We need him!"  So the bout is allowed to proceed despite Asanoyama's complaints.  Hoshoryu wins, exits the dohyo and begins to perform the traditional Bokh eagle dance of victory.  Through gritted teeth, the gyoji hisses, "Okay, that's enough!"  The spectators, though a little confused, are delighted and their cheers and clapping drown out the gyoji.  In the pandemonium, the gyoji realizes he has forgotten to give Hoshoryu his kensho so he has to chase him down, enduring more laughter from the spectators.  Finally order is restored and the gyoji and shimpan breathe a sigh of relief.

But not for long.  Kirishima appears and steps up on the dohyo, also wearing a "shuudag" instead of his customary mawashi.  The spectators don't know what to think but they clap anyway because they like Kirishima.  The gyoji and shimpan are incensed!  Again, a mono-ii is called.  More whispering.  Eight minutes of whispering.  They finally conclude.  "What can we do?  We'll deal with this later.  He's an Ozeki.  We need him!"  The bout is allowed to proceed but not before Abi, Kirishima's opponent, loudly complains, "This isn't fair.  There's nothing to grab onto!"  Everyone laughs.  The head shimpan says to Abi, "Knock it off, buddy!  Everyone knows you're just going to try to strangle him!  It shouldn't matter to you what he's wearing."  Abi is not happy but what can he do?  He's not an Ozeki.  The bout begins and Abi as usual lunges at Kirishima's neck.  But Kirishima is so quick, he escapes from Abi's clutches.  Abi circles back and with his long arms again reaches for Kirishima's neck.....and grabs on!  At this point, the shimpan all lose their cool and begin to cheer for Abi!!!  The gyoji also loses his cool and WHACKS Kirishima over the head with his gunbai!  Kirishima stumbles.  The spectators are incensed!  Even the old-timers in the front rows have never seen anything like this breach of the sumo rules and  code of conduct.  They begin to throw their sake and beer bottles at the shimpan.  Bento boxes begin flying through the air.  Two elderly women, fans of Kirishima, climb up onto the dohyo and tackle the gyoji, disarming him of his gunbai and knocking him out.  A voice over the loudspeaker booms out, "NO WOMEN ALLOWED ON THE DOHYO!!  WOMEN, GET OFF THE DOHYO NOW!!!!"  In the meantime, the bout between Kirishima and Abi continues.  Abi has the upper hand......well, hands, as they are still clamped around Kirishima's neck.  The two women, who have ignored the commands to get off the dohyo, notice that Kirishima's face is getting redder and redder.  They try to break Abi's grip on Kirishima's neck but one of them trips over the gyoji, who is still lying face-down on the dohyo.  As she falls onto the dohyo, Abi lands on her.  The other woman, who is holding the gunbai, uses it to signal that Kirishima has won the bout.  The shimpan jump up onto the dohyo to have another mono-ii.  They argue among themselves, not knowing what to do.  The head shimpan points out that Abi did not touch down on the dohyo --- he landed on the woman, so technically he didn't actually lose.  And another shimpan pointed out that Abi would not have lost if the two women had not pried his fingers off of Kirishima's neck.  A voice from the video room above reminds them that an actual woman held the gunbai and determined the winner.  They all decide that everyone, including the women and themselves, should be disqualified.  As a formality, they decide to revive the gyoji to tell him.  As the gyoji wakes up, he says groggily, "Is there going to be a torinaoshi??"

The next morning, the head of the NSK calls all of the guilty parties in for a big meeting.  A very big meeting.  All of the shimpan are in attendance, the gyoji, Abi, Hoshoryu, Kirishima and even the two elderly women who mounted the dohyo.  The two women are admonished about the proper behavior of spectators, particularly women spectators, and are dismissed.  The shimpan and gyoji are each fined 50,000 Yen and banned for one basho.  The gyoji is also admonished not to give up his gunbai so easily, especially to elderly women spectators.  Abi feels like smirking because he wasn't wearing a "shuudag" like Hoshoryu and Kirishima were, but knows better because his Oyakata was one of the guilty shimpan, and he feared being suspended again.  Abi is told that it's okay to fall on women outside the dohyo but he should be more focused while on the dohyo.  He is relieved.  Hoshoryu and Kirishima didn't get off so easily.  They were asked, "What the hell was THAT all about?"  They laughed and said almost in unison, "You were pranked!  But we are Ozeki!  You need us!!"

Whew!  What a dream that was!  I'm glad I finally woke up!!  (I am joking about writing a book.  I only said that because it's lengthy).

 

[Fashiritētā 178]

@sumojoannawesome dream, ty

[hakutorizakura 614]

Gold. I would wake up shocked and be super confused for a whole week if I had a dream like that 

[Yamanashi 3,806]

Day 8: The Pinoy Bowl between Takayasu and Mitakeumi.  At the tachiai, Takayasu takes a piece of lumpia he'd been hiding in his mawashi and throws it to the side.  Mitakeumi follows his nose toward the tawara and Takayasu wins by okuridashi.

[hakutorizakura 614]

2 hours ago, Yamanashi said:

lumpia he'd been hiding in his mawashi

That's a caveat there, who knows how its aroma would be after such treatment 

[Koorifuu 931]

On 03/09/2023 at 03:25, Reonito said:

Shimanoumi goes 1-14, slides over from J12e to J12w on the next banzuke

I can see this happening with a 6-9.

[hakutorizakura 614]

On 04/09/2023 at 01:10, Leoben said:

Hokuseiho uses his left arm

 

On 05/09/2023 at 06:16, Old Shatterhand is dead said:

Hokuseiho eventually performs one proper tachi-ai.

 

On 05/09/2023 at 06:45, Bunbukuchagama said:

Hokuseiho stops being the butt of forum's jokes. 

He went from those to almost yusho contender, probably he read this thread and got fired up 

But that move and frown from Hosh was definitely uncle-approved.