Ridiculous Predictions Aki 2023

[Akinomaki 39,805]

Asanoyama using a tabi sock with special toe protector tiptoes to a zensho yusho, beating a 14-0 Terunofuji on day 15, who sleepwalked through the basho,  forgetting that he actually wanted to go kyujo.

[rokudenashi 291]

Hidenoumi goes 5-2 and is re-promoted to jūryō. However, it is later found out that he was forced by Shiden, for whom he is now tsukebito, to partake in illegal gambling. Both are banned from the next tournament and Hidenoumi never wears an ōichō-mage again.

Edited September 6, 2023 by rokudenashi

[rhyen 1,809]

On 04/09/2023 at 01:14, Wakawakawaka said:

1) On Senshuraku, Shimanoumi challenges for the Juryo yusho in what doubles as an exchange bout against 6-8 Kagayaki. Immediately before contact at the tachiai, both of their mawashis fall off simultaneously, resulting in a double DQ, and both being promoted to Yokozuna. 

2) On day 1 Hokuseiho does the standiest uppest tachiai he has ever done, whacks his head on the roof suspended above the dohyo (tsuriyane?), knocking himself unconscious and losing the bout. On day 2, at the tachiai he immediately grabs the tsuriyane, pulls himself up on it, and won't come down. The water break time limit is reached and he is disqualified for not coming down to drink the water. On day 3, Hokuseiho faces Ura, jumps up there again, and Ura teleports up there with him. They have the greatest match of all time, as evidenced by the copious quantities of octopai raining onto the dohyo. The match climaxes with the roof falling onto the dohyo, but no one can see who hit first because the walls of the roof are in the way. Without being able to rely on the cameras for a replay, the judges are lost and declare the gyoji the winner. From day 4 on, the roof is left on the dohyo as the investigation is under way as to who's fault this mess is, meaning nobody can see any bouts. Consequently the gyoji is declared the winner in each bout and racks up a score of over 100 wins, taking the yusho.

2 negates 1?

[Andreas21 182]

Nishikigi continues his solid sumo and forgets falter in the end to go 11-4.

Tobizaru jumps and swings to his breakthrough basho, 11-4.

Takakeishi kyujo from day 6, Kirishima kyujo from day 3 to 5 and again from day 9 to 11.

Daieisho, Wakamotohara, Kotonowaka continue their KK streaks.

Next Banzuke holds a record seven Sekiwake. A new Sekiwake-only Jungyo event will be hold. The audience response is so overwhelming, Kyokai decides to form a "Sekiwake division" in the following Basho.

Edited September 7, 2023 by Andreas21

[Bunbukuchagama 688]

Just now, Andreas21 said:

Takakeishi kyujo from day 6, Kirishima kyujo from day 3 to 5 and again from day 9 to 11.

Daieisho, Wakamotohara, Kotonowaka continue their KK streaks.

I don't think you read the thread's title properly. 

[rokudenashi 291]

Hōshōryū yūshō.

[Sue 483]

Russian forces withdraw from Ukraine after Shishi beats Rōga again.

[Fashiritētā 169]

1 hour ago, rokudenashi said:

Hōshōryū yūshō.

Hopefully, someone has to win back to back Yusho

[Koorifuu 886]

1 hour ago, Sue said:

Russian forces withdraw from Ukraine after Shishi beats Rōga again.

This gets confusing when we factor in that Shishi is an ethnic Russian and Roga is an ethnic Tuvan/Mongolian.

[Fashiritētā 169]

Shodai Yusho and promotion back to Sanyaku.

 

[Bunbukuchagama 688]

6 hours ago, Koorifuu said:

Shishi is an ethnic Russian

How do you know that? 

[Reonito 1,335]

7 hours ago, Fashiritētā said:

Shodai Yusho and promotion back to Sanyaku.

 

Okay, a yusho is not likely, but he was 10-5 in March, he's ranked M3, and he was Komusubi in May, so this isn't exactly ridiculous

[hakutorizakura 590]

Well done people, this thread is already longer than the proper basho thread (for now). Love it 

[Koorifuu 886]

12 hours ago, Bunbukuchagama said:

How do you know that? 

An assumption based on discussions held elsewhere on this forum, which you actually participated on. Melitopol + writing a message in Russian instead of Ukrainian when asked for his 'native language'. Jumping to the conclusion he's culturally Russian isn't a stretch, but it was indeed a small leap to say 'ethnically' that was the case.

[Bunbukuchagama 688]

2 hours ago, Koorifuu said:

An assumption based on discussions held elsewhere on this forum, which you actually participated on. Melitopol + writing a message in Russian instead of Ukrainian when asked for his 'native language'. Jumping to the conclusion he's culturally Russian isn't a stretch, but it was indeed a small leap to say 'ethnically' that was the case.

You see a group of people, they all speak English. "Who are you ethnically?" - you ask.

"I am English" - says one.

"I am Scottish" - replies another.

"I am Irish".

"I am Welsh".

"I am American".

"I am Canadian".

"I am Australian"...

 

English is/was an imperial language, and so is/was Russian. If you want to know Shishi's ethnicity, you have to ask him. 

[Fashiritētā 169]

Interviewer:Шиши, ты кто по национальности?

[Bunbukuchagama 688]

1 minute ago, Fashiritētā said:

Interviewer:Шиши, ты кто по национальности?

Думаете, ответ будет "русский"? 

[Reonito 1,335]

Ethnicity (as separate from political/cultural/national identity) at that close a level of relatedness is tricky to define. Even a DNA test might not be able to tell.

[Gurowake 3,923]

As alluded to before with the question about English, there are many Ukrainian citizens who speak Russian as a first language, and this fact may have led the Russians to believe they'd have more support for the invasion from inside than they have gotten.  It may be hard to say whether these people are ethnically Russian or Ukrainian, and of course according to Putin there is no such thing as Ukrainian ethnicity.  Not that I necessarily agree with that, but the line between them is not nearly as obvious as it is for someone like Roga, who is obviously ethnically Asian, Tuvan specifically, not European.  I highly doubt that we have any evidence for whether Shishi feels more strongly connected to Russia or Ukraine, but given that he was presumably born in an independent Ukraine, I'm not sure if there's any good reason to believe that he has any connection to Russia besides the language.  

[Kishinoyama 582]

Can a moderator move the discussion of ethnicity to a separate thread? Please?

[Akinomaki 39,805]

And don't forget that discussion of political issues is forbidden by forum rules

[Yamanashi 3,728]

3 hours ago, Kishinoyama said:

Can a moderator move the discussion of ethnicity to a separate thread? Please?

 

1 hour ago, Akinomaki said:

And don't forget that discussion of political issues is forbidden by forum rules

(As the OP) I agree.  We have had this discussion in other threads where (IMHO) it was appropriate.  The post from @Sue was firmly in the "Ridiculous" mainstream, and should be taken that way.  Further discussion of the ethnicity/political stuff, explicit or implicit, belongs elsewhere.

Besides, discussion of outside matters would only cheapen the impact of such posts as "Midorifuji puts a stink bomb down Oho's mawashi."

Edited September 8, 2023 by Yamanashi

[Rocks 1,807]

On 08/09/2023 at 10:41, Bunbukuchagama said:

"I am Scottish" - replies another.

The Scottish speak English? Now I really feel bad for not understanding when they speak. 

[Rocks 1,807]

Oh, ridiculous prediction. Takakeisho gets a Zensho Yusho. 

[Yamanashi 3,728]

Day 6: Aoiyama tries a henka on Chiyoshoma (!), but can't remember how the part after the shift to the left works, so he lumbers right off the dohyo.  However, he is declared the winner as Chiyoshoma (having rarely been henka'd) becomes disoriented with no one in front of him and trips over his feet turning around.

The video of this bout is taken off the internet feed and ritually burned.