Yamanashi

Ridiculous Predictions Aki 2021

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Miyagino rikishi pitch a perfect yusho, all of them KK by Day 11 and several in yusho races at all levels.  Surprisingly, the one thing that unites all of them is a fair bit of yawning and napping as they await their bouts, and even occasionally on the dohyo before the bouts begin.  Journalists check out the Miyagino rooms expecting to find early morning training going on that would explain all the yawning, but the opposite is true: the entire stable is sleeping in and training in the evening!  Other oyakata interviewed about this find it preposterous and against the traditions of sumo, but the Miyagino guys keep winning and staying up late.  Hakuho has yawned his way to an 11-0 record and Terunofuji suffers a new injury in an early match against Kotonowaka, which is initially described as not-knee-related but eventually turns out to be an elbow problem forcing an early withdrawal.

A new story begins to emerge around Day 9, when Ichinojo, recovered from a positive covid test, asks the media if there was a small earthquake in the Tokyo area during his bout.  "Not joking, it felt like the dohyo was for just a moment a little weak," he claims.  Other wrestlers begin to report the same, a slight feeling of imbalance which is usually felt near the exact centre of the dohyo.  Skepticism and denial as usual come from the NSK, while the dohyo makers are not amused and threaten to have it left to amateurs for future bashos if these insults are not stopped immediately.

Hakuho yawns his way to another zensho.  Ishiura finishes 13-2 and looks like a possible sanyaku candidate.  Hokuseiho and Enho fight in a playoff for the Juryo yusho each at 14-1 and Enho wins by yorikiri to the surprise of everyone on the planet.  All six yusho winners are Miyagino guys with only one non-Miyagino wrestler in a yusho playoff.  All await the yusho interview.  The interviewer makes his opening comments as Hakuho yawns, then asks the first question.  Hakuho takes a deep breath and ignores the first question completely.  The translation of his words is quite accurate, but commentators say that it lost much in the translation, having a calm and serene sound in Japanese.

"My friend, if you don't mind, I will gracefully sidestep the question and say a few respectful words of my own.  I have been in this position many times and have answered much the same questions each time, sometimes getting myself into trouble when I improvise a bit with the best of intentions.  I'm happy to have won, and happy that my stable has had such fine success in this basho.  I am sorry to see that injury has befallen a worthy new yokozuna and I want to keep competing until we can meet again in the dohyo.

"I do want to say something about the recent Olympics and Paralympics.  It saddens me that sumo had almost no part in the ceremonies, so I have arranged for us to honor some of the Japanese medalists by inviting them here today so that we can honor their achievements.  Thanks to some kind people who gave up their seats upon my request, they are seated very nearby so you can introduce them all from this list, rather than hear the same old things you have heard from me so many times.  That's all I wish to say at this point."  The audience erupts with applause and the interviewer reads off the names on the list one by one, to more and more applause as the medalists stand to receive their accolades.  The effect is marvelous.  Even Kitanofuji is impressed to the point of being visibly moved in the broadcast booth.  It seems, he muses, that Hakuho has finally found true hinkaku.

Much later, when the innumerable prizes are being handed out, a presenter slips and falls over, but is caught just in time by Hakuho with amazing deftness!  Finally the last prize is given, the other rituals completed, and the dohyo dug up to retrieve the traditional items placed just below the centre of the action before the basho.  It is at this very point, televised for all still watching to see, that the final words of Hakuho's speech take on a completely new meaning....

The traditional grains and rice were gone, replaced, apparently from below, with a bloody horse's head!  When carefully removed, there was one other item, later identified as a silver medal from the 1968 Olympics.  Underneath it, forensic evidence showed, a carefully cut-away dohyo replaced by other material to hold up what was left (although not as well) and a secret entrance, partially by way of a fresh tunnel, to the spot directly below the dohyo where the theft of the traditional items had begun.  Kokugikan janitors were questioned; none had any idea how or when such an operation took place, other than to confirm that it must have been in the early-morning hours, over the course of several days, and during the basho, after the dohyo-building was completed.  Police were called in and were baffled and remained so for weeks.

The Great Sumo Mystery reverberated through the world's press for weeks, achieving the level of press coverage only previously reserved for lost jetliners, toddlers falling into wells, and murder trials of former athletes.  It was quickly noted that solving the mystery required an intricate knowledge of sumo's traditions, and that as these became well-known, more and more people were viewing the YouTube videos of recent tournaments and enjoying what they saw.  New sumo fans were everywhere!  And the obvious theory was that it was the yawning Miyagino guys who had pulled off the great heist in the wee hours, to send a message (some called it An Offer They Can't Refuse) to the NSK about the shoddy treatment of their yokozuna during the Olympics.  But how could they have pulled off such a heist and done so well in the basho while being up all night digging tunnels and lurking around?  One wild theory was that they had gained the extra energy required by consuming the rest of the horse.

The NSK reacted as usual, calling Hakuho to address a meeting and answer some very serious questions, but delaying and rescheduling the meeting several times.  Finally the day of the meeting arrived.  Denied the opportunity to hold a press conference before or after the meeting, Hakuho chose to walk, attracting a huge crowd of people on a beautiful sunny day, including several media with cameras and recorders.  He had chosen to wear his father's silver medal from the 1968 games, showing it off to the cameras to prove that it was genuine, but answering no other questions.  The meeting was surprisingly quick and no comments made by anyone; nothing was done, even after some time had passed.  The media stayed on the story until the Big Break just before banzuke day for the November tournament.  This consisted of two photos of the home of one of the NSK spokesmen (you know the one I mean), one photo taken the day before the meeting, from which it was speculated that just inside a window you could see the container that the traditional grains and rice were placed into.  The other taken the day after had one subtle difference.

Apparently, after the meeting, the offending item was quickly removed.  So, quietly a few weeks later, was the official.

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I'm not sure "ridiculous" describes the above, but I don't know any other words, either.  Just ... wow.

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Meisei ends the Aki basho with yet another 8-7 record, trying to affirm Xeno's paradox by approaching Ozeki in smaller and smaller increments but never reaching it.  Moving up from S1w to S1e after the Kyushu basho, he completes five more minimum KK's and is awarded the first S1n (North) rank.

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Ishiura makes a legit run for the win. 
Shodai looks like he knows what he is doing

Endo wins the basho

Terunofuji completely sucks and embarrasses himself in his first tournament as a yokozuna

 

 

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23 hours ago, Kaminariyuki said:

Are you sure you meant to post that in this thread? Hakuho is one of my favorites but I consider this entirely plausible. Not likely, and not being mean, but I think it's well shy of ridiculous. Yokozunas usually seem to get konosubi on Day 1 (and from the west for an east yokozuna) but they do sometimes get paired to M-1. And, I think on any given day, Hoshoryu could beat anyone in makuuchi.

To be honest I was playing the anti-jinx game. I actually hope Terunofuji gets his revenge on Hakuho :)

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15 hours ago, Ichimawashi said:

story

You're not suppose to release the script before the basho in a place that Mike can see it.

Edited by Tsuchinoninjin

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14 hours ago, Yamanashi said:

I'm not sure "ridiculous" describes the above, but I don't know any other words, either.  Just ... wow.

This thread is going literary. Where are the Mods!?  

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On 01/09/2021 at 00:11, Ichimawashi said:

Miyagino rikishi pitch a perfect yusho, all of them KK by Day 11 and several in yusho races at all levels.  Surprisingly, [...]

I think this, and the earlier novella by @sumojoanngoes waaaay beyond a ridiculous prediction and can be best classified as sumo fiction deserving its own thread.

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As for a ridiculous prediction, how about this one: Ishiura, having perfected his hinerite, remains undefeated till day 15, and has tt face Hakuho in the kettei-sen for the yusho, and is henka'd by the Yokozuna causing an immediate call for his retirement.

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9 hours ago, orandashoho said:

As for a ridiculous prediction, how about this one: Ishiura, having perfected his hinerite, remains undefeated till day 15, and has tt face Hakuho in the kettei-sen for the yusho, and is henka'd by the Yokozuna causing an immediate call for his retirement.

Wouldn't that be so Hakuho-ish? "But Yokozuna, you taught me everything I know!" "Yes, son, but not everything I know."

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Asashoryu wins his 50th yusho! In attendance on senshuraku are Dr. Emmett Brown and Marty McFly!

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We've reached the moment when "Hakuho yusho!" is a ridiculous prediction.

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2 hours ago, Sue said:

We've reached the moment when "Hakuho yusho!" is a ridiculous prediction.

Not ridiculous, impossible ... big distinction.

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Sumo is so unpredictable that my "ridiculous" predictions tend to be the actually impossible ones; anything else could actually happen. E.g. Hatsu 2020: hey, let's predict a Tokushoryu yusho!

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Lots of gems on this thread :-D

I'll just predict that the kyokai announces Mitakeumi is on a legit ozeki run after starting 10-0 (Beingninja...)

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Aoiyama and Tochinoshin both have a terrible basho, and they see the writing on the wall.  The Kasugano pair first investigate becoming a tag team in the NJPW ("The Black Sea Bandits"), but soon realize that they wouldn't last long in that venue.  Instead, after dropping through Juryo Aoiyama opens an Eastern European restaurant in Sumida Ward, with Tochinoshin acting as silent partner and source for lots of walnut-and-garlic infused recipes.  One of the house specialties is the Beef Tripe Chanko.

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6 hours ago, Yamanashi said:

Aoiyama and Tochinoshin both have a terrible basho, and they see the writing on the wall.  The Kasugano pair first investigate becoming a tag team in the NJPW ("The Black Sea Bandits"), but soon realize that they wouldn't last long in that venue.  Instead, after dropping through Juryo Aoiyama opens an Eastern European restaurant in Sumida Ward, with Tochinoshin acting as silent partner and source for lots of walnut-and-garlic infused recipes.  One of the house specialties is the Beef Tripe Chanko.

That's hardly ridiculous. Both of them emerging 10-0 and leading the yusho race would be more ridiculous than that.

EDIT: After Tochinoshin's very spirited defence against Kotoeko, I might have to go find a crow if Aoiyama puts up some fight too...

Edited by Seiyashi
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10 hours ago, Seiyashi said:

That's hardly ridiculous. Both of them emerging 10-0 and leading the yusho race would be more ridiculous than that.

EDIT: After Tochinoshin's very spirited defence against Kotoeko, I might have to go find a crow if Aoiyama puts up some fight too...

Well, yeah, but it was the rest that held the most ridiculosity.

[I was pretty proud of the name "Black Sea Bandits".  I realized that while Georgia is in "Asia" and Bulgaria is in "Europe", they're really just across the big lake from each other.]

Toch seems to be a proud man (well-deserved),  so I think he keeps a couple of sky cranes in reserve each basho, just to remind everyone what his peak performance was.

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Ridiculous prediction: the YDC doesn't grumble about either of the Yokozuna after the basho.

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So, after Takakeisho's dreadful start and pressumably bad state, a (not so) ridiculous prediction: Hakuho intai on purpose so the sumo association does not have a second Ozeki, not even a Yokozuna-Ozeki one! They are forced to choose between a makekoshi Mitakeumi and a M1 Hoshoryu with JY to promote to Ozeki, to fill in the rank!

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5 hours ago, Stelios said:

So, after Takakeisho's dreadful start and pressumably bad state, a (not so) ridiculous prediction: Hakuho intai on purpose so the sumo association does not have a second Ozeki, not even a Yokozuna-Ozeki one! They are forced to choose between a makekoshi Mitakeumi and a M1 Hoshoryu with JY to promote to Ozeki, to fill in the rank!

Well, unfortunately Shodai will also have to fall for that to happen. What happens in that case is Terunofuji is Y1eYO and Shodai is O1w to balance out the banzuke. That said, I can completely see Hakuho picking a time to intai deliberately to cause this kind of shenanigans, so... (Laughing...)

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1 hour ago, Seiyashi said:

Well, unfortunately Shodai will also have to fall for that to happen. What happens in that case is Terunofuji is Y1eYO and Shodai is O1w to balance out the banzuke. That said, I can completely see Hakuho picking a time to intai deliberately to cause this kind of shenanigans, so... (Laughing...)

Who was it who said a month or so ago: "In ten years, people will talk about the Yokozuna and Ozeki of this period and leave Shodai out because they forgot about him"?  This is the second time in two months!

 

[Edit: that person was me.](Blushing...)

Edited by Yamanashi
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Asashoryu,Harumafuji and Akebono gatecrash the basho and declare themselves the New world order of  Sumo,they start recruting wrestlers from the active ranks and beat up the ones that dont join...

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Terunfuji converts to Chistianity and refuses to fight on Sunday's,forcing his retirement...

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