Ridiculous Predictions January 2021 basho

[Shinobi Steve 98]

Despite all the odds, we have a basho starting tomorrow. I’ll get us started with our utterly ridiculous predictions for fun.  
 

We will make it through all 15 days with 5,000 spectators present. 

[Akinomaki 28,391]

Nobody else goes kyujo and the basho goes smoothly till the end  -

 

 

 

and to balance this: Akiseyama yusho

[yohcun 153]

Members of the YDC transcend rage itself and volunteer to stand in for the absent yokozuna pair. They lose in a playoff to Mitakeumi.

[dada78641 629]

Every single wrestler goes absent due to coronavirus. Every single one...except Hattorizakura (who's now named Shonanzakura in case anyone missed that) who is given the makuuchi yusho because the rules demand it. The camera zooms in on his face as he's handed the trophy and the mic very faintly picks up the words ﾌﾌﾌ...計画通り

[Fukuyamada 20]

Takakeisho pushes his way to the yusho, with a 12-3 score and is promoted to yokozuna.

Edited January 9 by Fukuyamada
grammar

[Yamanashi 1,428]

Sorry, no ridiculous predictions from me this basho.  I started this thread several basho ago, for a chance to inject some levity into the proceedings, but I can't think of anything snarky to say.  Hope to see you next basho!

[Philioyamfugi 368]

Akisiyama blasts though the depleted competition and beats Takakeisho in a barn burner on the belt for the yusho !

[code_number3 384]

This basho will stopped midway and declared null-and-void

[Ichimawashi 343]

NHK hits upon a winner after Day 1 ends 55 minutes earlier than usual; they pick five matches from the not-so-recent past and replay them during several breaks in the action, starting an internet competition to predict the winners which includes taking votes from the domestic broadcasters (even those not on duty) and the full gang of English-language guys, even the colour guys we have not heard from for a year.  Matches are presented with limited information as to the actual basho, year, and day, only the two rikishi are known.  Competitors may submit an East or West vote online at any time up until the gyoji completes the announcement of the shikona, and if no vote is received, entrants get a random choice which is 25% East, 25% West, and 50% wrong (whichever wrong is).  By Day 15 there are only seven matches left in Juryo and nine in Makuuchi and the video replay matches have been increased to ten.  On the English side, Murray Johnson opens an early lead but is passed on Day 10 by John Gunning, and on Day 15 the surprise winner, going 30-0 over the final three days, is that Shapiro guy.  An investigation reveals that he has a relative in the video room and the Video Yokozuna Deliberation Council makes John Gunning and Murray Johnson the first two English-language Video Yokozuna.  This is bigger news than the basho win by Shodai, but the biggest story is the domestic Video Yokozuna, a female panel member on Abema who says little more than 'ooohh' and 'aaaahh' during the broadcasts and who wins by a large margin, to everyone's surprise, and is quickly cleared of any connection to the secretive NHK department where the replay videos are prepared, leading to much rejoicing.

Edited January 9 by Ichimawashi

[Seiyashi 468]

20 hours ago, Yamanashi said:

Sorry, no ridiculous predictions from me this basho.  I started this thread several basho ago, for a chance to inject some levity into the proceedings, but I can't think of anything snarky to say.  Hope to see you next basho!

Sadly enough, this is true for me at least - it's the first basho since I started watching sumo where I was hoping it wouldn't be happening for everyone's sake. It feels a bit off to make light of the basho where it could all go haywire any second.

[Fujisan 354]

The rikishi get borerd waiting for their turn on the dohyo and they all go home.

[Ichimawashi 343]

Shonanzakura becomes a very new and improved version of Hattorizakura, rebounding from an unsurprising 0-3 start to win three in a row and threaten KK for the first time.  There is a bitter dispute in the English press over who receives credit for calling the sudden streak of wins a Bonanzakura.  Fans pick up on this new coinage and sing the familiar theme song from the old American TV classic through their masks as Shonanzakura climbs into the ring, and again as he gets down for the tachiai.  KK is assured when Shonanzakura's opponent mattas repeatedly, at first with a wry smile, then with uncontrollable laughter.  On the fifth attempt, he breaks up again and takes a knee as Shonanzakura touches him on the shoulder, and the gyoji points the gunbai.

[just_some_guy 117]

On 09/01/2021 at 08:03, Yamanashi said:

  I started this thread several basho ago

Ahem...

 

[Fujisan 354]

Someone has to rapidly check the sumo rules when Takakeisho turns up on day 7 with a rocket launcher.......... 

[Kaito 70]

On 09/01/2021 at 02:13, Akinomaki said:

Nobody else goes kyujo and the basho goes smoothly till the end  -

 

 

 

and to balance this: Akiseyama yusho

I think you're in the wrong place. This thread is only for ridiculous predictions.

[Akinomaki 28,391]

21 minutes ago, Kaito said:

I think you're in the wrong place. This thread is only for ridiculous predictions.

We live in ridiculous times, so this is becoming more and more realistic - my earnest predictions are much more off the target recently. BTW, last basho:

On 02/11/2020 at 18:15, Akinomaki said:

Akiseyama has learned the secrets of the berserkers and manages to crush all resistance, storm into makuuchi for Hatsu and start his run for the top. Sumo popularity worldwide drops to an all time low.

[Fujisan 354]

On day 10,One of the Gyojis finds a small piece of gold on the dohjo and starts the great  Hatsu 2021 gold rush......

It is only after  the basho is cancelled due to  unwanted  tresspassers that Takakeisho admits he lost a gold tooth  on day 9.........

Edited January 19 by Fujisan

[Fujisan 354]

Day 14 bouts are delayed when Ichinojo gets himself wedged in the doorway on his way to the dohyo.........