Yamanashi

Ridiculous Predictions for Aki 2019

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PLEASE NOTE: This topic is for RIDICULOUS predictions only! No "I think Enho will be the coolest" or "Aoiyama will get 10 wins".  For those, see the topic below.

 

1) Tochinoshin and Goeido, kadoban, are both 7-7 when paired up on the last day.  Their opinion of this pairing appears when they pull a double henka and take out two shimpan.  A monoii is hastily called, and a rare double-win is called.

2) On the last day, Kotoeko, Kotoshogiku and Kotoyuki are all considered for the Fighting Spirit Prize.  Since they can't fight each other, the council says they will decide based on "style points".

3) Enho, going for a submarine attack against Chiyotairyu, lodges his head in his opponent's mawashi.  Sorry, Mods will not allow us to describe further.

4) Kakuryu beats Hakuho for the Yusho, commenting "I do great against Japanese Yokozuna!"

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Daieisho and Daishoho reveal that they switched places months ago and nobody noticed. Daieisho announces that he is very relieved to tell the truth, because he didn't feel right getting the credit for Daishoho's recent strong performances.

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Enho goes 10-4 and is matched against Ichinojo on Day 15 just for fun.  The Boulder unexpectedly trips and falls onto Enho, who has no chance to get out of the way and valiantly attempts to lift him for a WWE-style body slam.  The lift succeeds for a split second, but that section of the dohyo collapses under the pressure, and only Enho's head is visible after he sinks into the clay like a nail into softwood.  A mono-ii follows, carefully avoiding the hole in the dohyo, and the announcement is that Enho kept the bottom of his feet in contact with the dohyo while it failed but Ichinojo touched surviving areas of the dohyo with several body parts at once; Enho gets the win!  The kimarite is posted online as 'Enho' officially for several weeks until 'Enho' is finally added to the official list of kimarite with the definition 'anything that defies rational description.' 

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Takagenji out of family shame and anger gets into the zone and to a 15-0 yusho, but while getting prepared for the yusho ceremony beats up the tokoyama for pulling his hair while re-making it -and gets disqualified on the spot.

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Terutsuyoshi accidentally gets salt on the Emperor's pet slug and is banned for life.

The mischievous demon that once possessed Goeido (leading him to his zensho yusho) now possesses Azumaryu, leading him to a yusho which ends up being his only career makuuchi kachikoshi.

Chiyotairyu and Tochiozan take turns singing "Jailhouse Rock" and "Ain't Nothing But a Hound Dog" at the opening ceremonies.

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Hattorizakura wins the Jonokuchi yusho.

Takayasu wins the Makuuchi yusho, with a record of 14-0-1.

Both Hakuho and Kakuryu stay in for all 15 days.

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43 minutes ago, Sue said:

Hattorizakura wins the Jonokuchi yusho.

Takayasu wins the Makuuchi yusho, with a record of 14-0-1.

Both Hakuho and Kakuryu stay in for all 15 days.

I don't know if it's part of the joke but Takayasu cannot enter until day 3 as he is not on the torikumi for day 2

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Hakuho 0-7, loses his 8th in a row  to go winless makekoshi to Hokutofuji, then bows graciously on the dohyo before going intai.

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Hakuho bows graciously.

The YDC praises Hakuho for upholding sumo tradition.

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Sumo goes WWE. In the final match, Hakuho, celebrating his new nationality,  walks up swathed in the Hinomaru while a children's choir sings Kimigayo . Kakuryu, meanwhile,  playing the wicked foreign heel, rides in on a mighty yak to the strains of Mongolian throat singing which morphs into "Dschinghis Khan" (Eurovision 1979) as he dismounts.

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Hakuho - has decided to be a gentleman and fair player from now on - no dirty tricks, nomore kachiage and so on - and therefore goes MK

Shodai - visitors at Tokitsukaze beya who eat up their whole chanko are no longer accepted, so the hungry and weakened rikishi finally recovered and got stronger - Yusho for Shodai!!!

.... or ist ist rather (hard to decide):

Endo?- Yusho! giving an excellent yusho interview, can't stop talking, exceeding his speaking time by 10 minutes and causing some trouble for the NHK broadcast

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Azumaryu yusho, capped with him peeling off his knee brace while laughing maniacally "It was a bluff, you fools! A five year bluff!"

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Ichinojo and Enho end up with 15-0 records. During the yusho-ketteisen, Ichinojo dazzles Enho with his amazing quickness, but still loses when Enho gets a morozashi grip and lifts his opponent off the dohyo. However, no one is delcared the winner and the Emperor's Cup is not awarded because everyone believes that what they saw was nothing more than a mass hallucination. 

Edited by sekitori
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2 hours ago, yohcun said:

Azumaryu yusho, capped with him peeling off his knee brace while laughing maniacally "It was a bluff, you fools! A five year bluff!"

Sorry, a stylistic comment.  Truly maniacal laughers would say "A five ... year ... bluff!"   (Ayokozuna...)

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