Ridiculous Predictions for Natsu 2019

[Yamanashi 2,376]

Last basho's first  ridiculous prediction turned out to be somewhat un-ridiculous:

Hakuho claims a series of little injuries are pestering him during the basho; meanwhile he wins 15-0 ; also takes time out after day 7 to get in BP with the Orix Buffaloes.

 

So, I vow to start this basho with reliably ridiculous predictions

Hakuho enters the basho so as to perform the dohyo-iri with Enho and Ishiura.  Stumped for an excuse to go kyujo, he claims that since Frank Sinatra and BB King are his favorite musicians, and since he realized they both died on May 14th, he must spend that day in somber reflection.

Enho is set to receive a new kesho mawashi from Subway sandwich shops; a spokesman said that his tachiai was effective PR for their brand.

The Chiyomaru - Enho bout is shrouded in controversy as Enho temporarily disappears during the action.  Only his muffled cries alert the gyoji to the fact that he has been trapped in Chiyomaru's fat folds.

Kotoshogiku posts a masterful 11-win basho and, certain for a re-promotion to the sanyaku, proclaims that he will replace his former Koto-bauer with the Twerk.  The YDC recommends his forced retirement.

[Sukoto 4]

I predict:

Takayasu visits a spa two days before the basho and gets a full-body, Brazilian wax.  After 14 kilos of body hair are removed, his new sleek and swift sumo style dominates the dohyo and he wins his first basho with a 14-1 record, losing only to Enho, who proves to be the only rikishi with smoother and more supple skin.

[Asojima 2,811]

Aoiyama uses his new-found power to pull off a 14-1 record, but he loses the ketteisen to Enho.

[Hakuhonofan 324]

Hattorizakura gets his first kachikoshi.

[Ganzohnesushi 374]

No Henka from Ishiura.

Ganzohnesushi

[Sue 422]

Hattorizakura gets his first yusho.

[Rainoyama 1,157]

Shodai zensho yusho, his new found tachi ai is the best thing to grace the face of the earth since slice bread. Lighting quick first step, a big "bonk" sound that can be heard from space and  just like that every bout is won in a second. "I've had enough to be everybody's punching bag, I was just pretending until now. Heisei was a lame era anyway so I decided to leave it to Hakuho the loser,  from the start my goal has always been to become the first yokozuna of the reiwa era and demolish all his records"

Kotoyuki retires on day 4  to start a new carreer as a professional a bowling ball.

Enho enters weighting 373 kg  "since my shoulder was hurting, I could barely train so I put on so weight. Has anybody seen my box of doughnuts ?" he declared

 

[yohcun 350]

Kotoyuki's day 15 opponent lands a strike into the POTUS box, and is declared the new president in accordance with natural law.

[sekitori 492]

Hakuho enters the basho, does the dohyo-iri with Ishiura and Enho on shonichi, but severely reinjures his arm doing so, thus putting his career in danger. He asks Kisenosato's advisors for help and they tell him that the injury will heal by itself and that no further medical treatment should even be considered.

 

Edited May 7, 2019 by sekitori

[Shio-kago 180]

A cameraman in the hallway is shooting video of a Rikishi heading backstage. In frame, through an open doorway, Inosuke can be clearly seen licking his gumbai like a lollypop.

[Hakuhonofan 324]

Hakuho enters and gets zensho yusho on the first Reiwa basho, fighting with only one arm.

[Fede 45]

Takakeisho wins one bout on the belt.

[orandashoho 718]

Aminishiki gets the Juryo yusho.

[just_some_guy 170]

* In a match against Kaisei, Enho hops on him like a backpack. Unsure what to do about this, Kaisei walks out of the ring, hoping this will result in a torinaoshi. Enho is pronounced the winner.

* Chiyotairyu and Tochiozan both refuse to participate in the basho until the new emperor settles the debate over who does a better Elvis impersonation.

* For the second consecutive basho, Ichinojo manages to not fall asleep on the dohyo.

 

 

[Churaumi 644]

- The yusho winner refuses to give the yusho interview without his lawyer present.

[Midoriyama 35]

Trump gets granted his wish to present the cup to the winner. Takakeisho who wins the yusho will be strongly against it and as a protest he will use his fierce oshi attack to send Trump flying into the 4th row...

So much for good Japanese-US diplomatic relationship 

 

[rhyen 1,378]

Kisenosato decides to unretire after dominating Takayasu during pre-basho training. The NSK and YDC hold and emergency meeting and decide to reinstate him on the banzuke, condemning Chiyoshoma to the first ever Makuuchi-TD rank. Kisenosato gets a zenpai Yusho and is awarded the emperor cup by President Trump and an automatic slot to perform the dohyo-iri at the Tokyo 2020 Olympics (much to Hakuho's disgust)

[Philioyamfugi 378]

Since my serious(hopefull) predictions always become  ridiculous so a mixed bag. Tochinoshin gets 10 wins, Takakeisho goes 9-6, Aioyama terrifies at komusubi and is jun-Yusho at 12-3,  Kakaryu is out by day 6, Kotoshugiku 8-7 and back in the joi, Hokotofuji 10-5 strong showing. King of training Goedo 6-9 katoban, Takayasu finally gets his Yusho at 14-1. Ichinojo 7-8 and disapoints,  Daisho 8-7. 

There I've contributed :/ but I'm ready for some sumo !!! Misspellings and all

[Rocks 1,657]

Vince McMahon shows up and gets into an argument with Trump. 

[Yamanashi 2,376]

1 minute ago, Rocks said:

Vince McMahon shows up and gets into an argument with Trump. 

 ... and hits him over the head with the fake Macaron.

[Joaoiyama 274]

3 hours ago, Philioyamfugi said:

Aioyama terrifies at komusubi and is jun-Yusho at 12-3

Not in my worst nightmares i would've come up with such a prediction.

[Philioyamfugi 378]

Meisei silences the neisayers by going 9-6 at M7 .... he he(slaps knee)

[Akinomaki 31,366]

On day 14, Kakuryu gets injured against Takayasu and drops out with 13-1, Takakeisho's injury at last got too worse to go on, Mitakeumi who was scheduled against Ichinojo also drops out with injury, Tochinoshin re-injures the leg to go out at 13-1, to  have the kore-yori sanyaku on day 15 for which Trumps arrives and the bout before all fusen: the 2 bouts after the fusensho parade shown to Trump have no sanyaku in them, 1 is over in 0.5s with henka, the other in 1s with hatakikomi, the yusho ketteisen of the 2 13-2 is a  double fusenpai and ends in itamiwake without a yusho rikishi - nobody is there to receive the Trump cup.

[Rainoyama 1,157]

Tochinoshin finishes 9-6, Asanoyama wins the first basho of the new Reiwa era, Mitakeumi comes back with his dark blue/purple  mawashi and wins all his remaining bouts to start his ozeki run...

[code_number3 543]

On 22/05/2019 at 19:52, Rainoyama said:

Tochinoshin finishes 9-6, Asanoyama wins the first basho of the new Reiwa era, Mitakeumi comes back with his dark blue/purple  mawashi and wins all his remaining bouts to start his ozeki run...

Will this going to be happened?