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just_some_guy

Ridiculous Predictions for Kyushu 2017

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This upcoming basho will most likely not be nearly as wacky as Wacky Aki, but I think it'd be fun to lay out some predictions (that obviously won't come true) that could make it so.
Here are mine:

* Kotoyuki defeats Chiyomaru by tsuridashi

* Takekaze wins an epic yotsu battle against Tochinoshin

* Yoshikaze wins the yusho with a 14-0-1 record, his only loss being an absence the day after his bout with Hakuho. The absence is caused by an inability to find the dohyo due to his eyes being swollen shut from Hakuho's face slaps.

* Terunofuji stays healthy for 15 bouts

* No kinboshi are given up

* Chiyomaru and Takarafuji are neck-and-neck in the yusho race on day 15.
(for those unfamiliar with this expression see #21 here)

 

Let's hear everyone else's predictions.

Edited by just_some_guy
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orandashoho    347

Aminishiki gets the yusho  (he deserves one for perseverance just like Kyokutenho did)

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Aminishiki solid kk all the way. Kagayaki will bitch slap his way up a few slots and win 'the battle of the moobs'  with aioyama. Hakuho kisenosato battle day 15 for the yusho. 

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Asojima    1,716

More than one Y/O will participate in the basho.

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41 minutes ago, Philioyamfugi said:

Aminishiki solid kk all the way. Kagayaki will bitch slap his way up a few slots and win 'the battle of the moobs'  with aioyama. Hakuho kisenosato battle day 15 for the yusho. 

These don't sound ridiculous at all, though I don't see Kisenosato being that close in the yusho race.

34 minutes ago, Asojima said:

More than one Y/O will participate in the basho.

Ouch.

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ryafuji    187

We will see four yokozuna fight on Day 15.

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Shatsume    30

All 3 Sekiwake KK, Kotoshogiku and Onosho playoff for yusho, forcing an extra 2 Sekiwake slots to open up for Hatsu to give us 5 Sekiwake!!!

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Benihana    391

Kotoshogiku get's sweet revenge by handing Terunofuji that extra loss to avoid repromotion, launching an Ozeki-run himself.

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Kakuryu makekoshi and intai.

Terunofuji 13-2 yusho in ketten-sei against Aminishiki.

Aoiyama beats Ura by izori.

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Benevolance    984

Hakuho is my obvious favorite and looks strong, but I'm pulling for a Goeidou yusho on this one. I mean, frankly, it cannot get much worse for him than last basho. (Or for me. Snorting sake is not recommended). I think that Goeidou's sumo was fine, but he lacked the high-stakes performance confidence that Harumafuji has accumulated due to experience. And so I predict this is the final seasoning that Goeidou required to settle himself down, and that he takes the Kyushu yusho and goes on a yokozuna run in January. I think it's his time. 

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Taikoubana    7

Kotoshogiku zensho-yusho. Ishiura yusho in juryo. Aminishiki pulling 11 wins or higher. Chiyotairyu gets one or more kinboshi. (Perhaps not that ridiculous, but all unlikely...)

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Yamanashi    27

 

 * Kotoshogiku vs. Yoshikaze: Koto leans backwards and falls off dohyo, goes kyujo; Yoshikaze somehow leaves with a cut above his eye.

* Aminishiki and Asanoyama fight it out for Yusho; Asanoyama wins by reverse henka as Aminishiki just stands there saying “Aww, he’s just so NICE!”

 

* At tachiai, Mitakeumi and Shodai collide with such force that, in accordance with the laws of high-energy physics, they form Chiyomaru.

 

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Some of my predictions! My four-year-old, seven-year-old and I are counting down until the first day of the tournament! 

--Takakeisho finishes the first week 4-3 against the upper sanyaku, and finishes 11-4

--Goeido comes out throwing fastballs and wins the yusho at 13-2 or 14-1, edging out Hakuho.

--Kisenosato, Takayasu both finish all 15 bouts, but both struggle for kachi-koshi, due to injuries.

--Ura -- smart enough not to risk his career -- does not compete. We see him again in makushita in March or May.

--Terunofuji struggles early on, but manages 10 wins, with a strong second week.

--Stalled progress for Onosho, Mitakeumi, who both fail to reach 8 wins. (really hope I'm wrong on Mitakeumi -- one of my favorites, and a future Ozeki or Yokozuna, I think)

--Asanoyama wins at least 10.

--Despite (always) looking like he's about to fall asleep in the dohyo, Shodai gets it together and begins an eventual rise toward the upper sanyaku ranks. I feel a big wake-up coming from him, as the raw talent and size are too apparent for him not to ascend soon. 

--Kakuryu is NOT the next yokozuna to retire. (going out on a limb here, as the odds are so heavily against this, but I'm afraid all of the other three are at great risk too... Hope I'm wrong!)

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orandashoho    347
3 hours ago, Benevolance said:

Hakuho is my obvious favorite and looks strong, but I'm pulling for a Goeidou yusho on this one. I mean, frankly, it cannot get much worse for him than last basho. (Or for me. Snorting sake is not recommended). I think that Goeidou's sumo was fine, but he lacked the high-stakes performance confidence that Harumafuji has accumulated due to experience. And so I predict this is the final seasoning that Goeidou required to settle himself down, and that he takes the Kyushu yusho and goes on a yokozuna run in January. I think it's his time. 

hey, this thread is about RIDICULOUS predictions.
Now for another one: Kotoyuki starts hooting again and hoots himself into yusho contention with straight wins until he has to face Hakuho and is thrown down with such force that his vocal chord gets damaged putting a stop to the hooting forever.

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Yamanashi    27

OK, more ridiculous predictions:

   In a bout against Ichinojo that sumo scholars are still puzzling over, Harumafuji receives a kinboshi against himself.

In a bold strategic move, Ikioi tries a henka at every bout; after a strong 3-0 start, he finishes with 12 losses.

Tochiozan wins a special Fighting Spirit prize for his spot-on Elvis impersonation.  When interviewed afterward, he says “Arigatou, arigatou very much.”

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Fujisan    154

When I saw the title of this thread I thought you'd been reading my sumo game entries...

RIdiculous predictions.....

I heard a rumour that Harumafuji and Kakuryu wont be taking part this basho because they eloped from the dohjo to get married in Las Vegas.....

Harumafuji is doing the honourable thing after he got Kakuryu pregnant... 

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Akinomaki    14,566

I made my ridiculous prediction already after the basho - I have to adjust it to recent developments though.

Kakuryu will be kyujo, so no 4 yokozuna for Goeido to smash, but:

Kise enters, so on senshuraku we will see as the final bout:

14-0 Goeido destroys 8-6 Kise, who can't walk out anymore and leaves with "I realize that I never will be able to regain the power of a yokozuna" - intai on the spot

Public pressure on Kakuryu mounts, who realized by watching a basho at which the young hopes smashed the rest of the old guard to pieces that it's over for him - intai announcement news sokuhou from the heya during the preparation for the yusho ceremony.

Goeido had crippled the other 2 yokozuna and Takayasu after brilliant fights and humiliated the remaining sanyaku on the dohyo. The public had realized on nakabi that a new star was born and that Goeido had made the transformation to the next level - they demand a new hero.

Nishonoseki, who had said he wouldn't start the promotion process, is not at the basho, but acting head of the shimpan department Isegahama shows no hesitation to recommend Goeido for promotion. Hakkaku: "He  has shown that you only have to train more and more to achieve the impossible - I'm in favor of promotion." The YDC after a short discussion "Does anybody remember what we said after last basho? Of course not - all in favor raise your hand" - unanimous:

Yokozuna Goeido

Edited by Akinomaki
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Asashosakari    8,862
14 hours ago, Shatsume said:

All 3 Sekiwake KK, Kotoshogiku and Onosho playoff for yusho, forcing an extra 2 Sekiwake slots to open up for Hatsu to give us 5 Sekiwake!!!

What, no Takayasu demotion to make it 6?

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Shatsume    30
8 minutes ago, Asashosakari said:

What, no Takayasu demotion to make it 6?

I like the way you think sir. :-D

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Thundersnow    42
17 hours ago, orandashoho said:

Aminishiki gets the yusho  (he deserves one for perseverance just like Kyokutenho did)

You guys are hilarious!

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Thundersnow    42
15 hours ago, Burajirotono said:

Ura yusho. 

LOL, you beat me to this. I really can't believe he's wrestling. I'd intended to try my hand at grade-school caligrophay and make a t-shirt to wear to the basho (I have front row seats in the upper level for Tuesday. Look for a guy with a white beard if they pan the crowd). I was going to write Gambatte Ura on a pink T. Blast! I was sure he'd be out for 10 to 112 months with an ACL.

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Thundersnow    42

Since I only make ridiculous predictions (which have come true a couple of times. I predicted Ura's kinbosh), I should stay out of this, but I can't help myself...

Non-Yokozuna zensho yusho.

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Burajirotono    23
6 hours ago, Thundersnow said:

 I was sure he'd be out for 10 to 112 months with an ACL.

Knees are for the weak ones

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